"When their eloquence escapes me, their logic ties me up and rapes me."
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
God just gave me the biggest hug and kiss ever! i love the Lord i serve. He is truly amazing and wonderful and faithful to encourage and affirm me when i cry out to Him. He is my soul's source of joy. i believe that He will honor my faithfulness and sincerity.
Current mood: enthralled with my God!
5:20AM - telos
do you ever see people around you and think that you're going crazy? does it ever seem like every one else in the world has a cognitive and emotional understanding of what they're doing and what their purpose is, but you don't? well this is precisely how i have felt for the past three months, and with time it continues to grow in intensity. on a moralized/demoralized scale of 1 to 10 (1 being the most demoralized and 10 being divine moralization) i'd say in this moment i'm operating at a 5 maybe. but as far as this stage in life, i'd say i'm stuck at a 2 or 3 at best. i thought that this was where God wanted me; i thought that i was responding very obediently and faithfully to move here to being with. i was never so foolish as to think that it would be easy or pleasant, but i did expect that, being in God's will, i would at least feel at peace. but i'm only feel discontent, dissatisfied, unsettled, confused. i second guess this decision daily. multiple times a day even. i am clinging to the idea of hope and stability by a measly thread. i try to convince myself that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, that the only way to go from here is up, that if i give it time things truly will get better and i will feel purpose after all. but i just don't see an of that around me. if i could just get some confirmation that i'm not crazy and there is hope and everything will be alright, then i think i could work harder at holding on longer.
Current mood: drained
Sunday, September 10, 2006
skool has only just started and i already cant wait until our next break.....ap is killing me!! and i have not one but three ap classes. im seriously gonna have no life outside of school and work. its so depressing to think about.....only seven more months of this tho and then ill be done. thats what im gonna keep telling myself ne way. iight well im out to go to church. peace!
Current mood: mellow
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
not much goin on today....went to work at bloody 4:30 in the morning!!! and then went to drivers ed. i get my license in friday! *woot woot*. but yeah thats basically it...pretty chill. iight im out. later!
Current mood: content
Monday, July 17, 2006
11:46AM - yay!!
i finally started working on foster and im actually happy now!!!!! life is good.....cant wait til beach day on thursday. man oh man okuma is gonna be great!! jus really depressing that kara wnt be here to experience it all with me.....=[
Current mood: ecstatic
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
10:11PM - *tear, tear*
man its been an insanely tiring day even though i've done a bunch of nothing. i just got back from drivers ed and could fall asleep where i sit!! and to add to this sheer exhaustion i have to put my life-long friend on a plane on thursday, and say goodbye until christmas! its enough to make me cry......it doesnt even seem like its been six whole weeks....time does, indeed, fly. i sure it has seemed like every second of six weeks to her friends in the states though, so its the least i can do to allow her to go home. oh well....this is all part of the military...i guess ill survive.
Current mood: sleepy
Monday, July 10, 2006
not much going on...jus another amazing day on okinawa!! got up at 2 am to watch the world cup. ITALY IS AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! jus got back from bass and plan on hittin up the beach or the seawall tom. life is jus so good here! well cheerio
Current mood: content
Sunday, July 9, 2006